Thanks for that feedback Genie! It’s funny because I did make a pass through a draft and add more sensory details. Perhaps it wasn’t enough.
I find the constraints of flash fiction to be an interesting exercise because it limits the amount of space I have to work with. I’m always having to make tradeoff decisions about what to add or leave out, when to expand an idea and detail, and when to keep it brief.
I think one thing I’m searching for as I write and publish is looking for those ideas that are worth developing further.
Yeah, I skimmed it again and saw that! I think I was just really convinced of his disembodiment in the first reading. It could be interesting to explore heightening the contrast between a character's sensory experience and what is going on only in his head, sort of toggling between the two to create a sense of internal conflict.
I love it! Everything about this is great, from the disorientation to the humor--I laughed several times. Very relatable. Sharing about your personal experiences that inspired this story made it all the more poignant I think.
I love the disorienting concept of Justin’s body fading in and out - unable to take action/at the mercy of these voices.
Also the voice actor only having her lines left - chilling.
Poor Justin! It would be nice to have some more sensory detail but I suppose souls don't really feel heat. :)
Thanks for that feedback Genie! It’s funny because I did make a pass through a draft and add more sensory details. Perhaps it wasn’t enough.
I find the constraints of flash fiction to be an interesting exercise because it limits the amount of space I have to work with. I’m always having to make tradeoff decisions about what to add or leave out, when to expand an idea and detail, and when to keep it brief.
I think one thing I’m searching for as I write and publish is looking for those ideas that are worth developing further.
Yeah, I skimmed it again and saw that! I think I was just really convinced of his disembodiment in the first reading. It could be interesting to explore heightening the contrast between a character's sensory experience and what is going on only in his head, sort of toggling between the two to create a sense of internal conflict.
I love it! Everything about this is great, from the disorientation to the humor--I laughed several times. Very relatable. Sharing about your personal experiences that inspired this story made it all the more poignant I think.